Wednesday, February 18, 2009

The Horror continues...

More inane observations from watching the Tour of California.

Stage 2
* What a shock, it's still raining.

* The peloton just crossed the Golden Gate Bridge. Rock Racing has issued their "Golden Gate Bridge Rocks" Special Edition kit. Yours for the low low cost of $85,000.00.

* Not only can you attract women with Enzyte, but apparently you can impress a bunch of old men at your local barber shop.

* OUCH is a really bad name for a cycling team. They might as well call in Broken Collar Bone Cycling.

* Someone may want to let the Cervelo Test Team know that there's a bicycle race going on here. Does "Test Team" mean that this is the team their trying out, to see if they want to sponsor a real team.

* I thought that only women hyphenated their last name. Ben Jacques-Maines??? I can only guess that he wanted to keep his maiden name.

* It just seems strange to see baby-faced Oscar Sevilla wearing the Rock Racing skull. Kind of like seeing the Johnas Brothers wearing Hell's Angel's jackets. I hear Oscar might have to start shaving any day now.

* Why do the motorcycle camera men, only seem to clean their lens when their camera is actually on.

* Lance has refused to take a musset bag in the feeding zones. Fearing a second attack, similar to the one he suffered in his last Tour de France, he has instead order delivery from Pizza Hut.

* Is it just me, or do a lot of these riders seem to be foreigners. Aren't there any Americans who want to race their bikes?

* As far as I'm concerned, there is no greater feat of coordination and dexterity, than watching a pro cyclist put on a cycling vest, or "cape" as Phil and Paul call them, while pedaling down the road. Most of us would either crash or strangle ourselves if we tried to do that.

* Levi attacks off the front of the peloton, and takes the overall race lead. Undeterred by the fact that he rides for Astana, Rock Racing issues their "Levi Rocks" Special Edition kit. Cost is 1 lbs of flesh, or all the equity that you have in your home, whichever is worth more.

* Towards the end of the stage, the sun actually comes out and shines on the race. The local fans, unfamiliar with this phenomenon, and fearing that it is a sign of the Apocalypse, immediately abandon their positions on the route and flee to their local churches. A state of emergency has been declared in California.

Stage 3
* Annnd, still raining.

* I never thought I'd say this, but Craig Hummer makes me miss Al Trautwig.

* While I'm sure that they cost several hundred dollars, Mark Cavendish's cycling glasses are the dorkiest things I've every seen. I work in the IT department at Southwest Airlines, surrounded by computer nerds wearing those exact same frames.

* It appears that a group of cyclist have come up with a new strategy for stage racing. This cutting edge strategy involves attacking right from the start of the stage, riding out front for the better part of 100 miles, and then getting caught within sight of the finish line. Team director's are scrambling to come up with a way to combat this never before seem style of racing.

* Levi crashes! While it first appeared that this was a failed attempt by Lance to kill Levi, after watching the reply, it now appears that Levi tried to kill himself. I theorize that Levi sucummed to the pressure of wearing the yellow jersey.

* I notice that Lance is still wearing his helmet visor. Given the weather, a scuba mask might be more helpful.

* Bob Roll should really consider thinking about the questions that he is going to ask during an interview ahead of time, instead of his present strategy of just coming up with something on the fly.

* Maybe it's my Junior High sense of humor, but I start giggling every time Phil says that the riders up front are "breaking the wind" for the riders behind them. (snicker, snicker).

* Tom Boonen has very odd looking ears. It appears that he was trying to turn them inside-out, and they got stuck.

* Paul Sherwin had the neatest way of describing Levi's crash, a crash that Levi just jumped up from and got back on his bike. He described it as "a crash without too much gravity". Very cool.

* This Enzyte really appears to be amazing stuff. Aside from the "male enhancement" benefits that it promises, if you take this stuff, apparently you'll also be able to:
Drive a race car.
Hit a golf ball 400 yards.
Compel women you barely know at the office Christmas party, to sit on your lap for an uncomfortably long time.

* Fransico Mancebo leads the KOM competition. Rock Racing issues their "Fransico Rocks" Special Edition kit. Yours free with the purchase of 1 pair of Rock Republic jeans, or trade for 1 solid gold bar, whichever is more.

* Cervelo Test Team must have been reading this blog. They finally made their way up to the front of the peleton. Just in time. They almost missed the entire race.

I'm off to watch stage 4. Finally, real mountains!

Peace out.....Nearly Famous Fred

2 comments:

SMB tech geeks said...

Nearly Famous Fred - you have a wicked sense of humour! Loving your race reports, looking forward to the next installment. As for foreign riders, I think it depends which country you're from - in the UK it seems like we're innundated with US, French & Italian riders.

Nearly Famous Fred said...

SBM Tech Geek,

Glad your enjoying the blog. Regarding the comment about foreigners, I hope everyone understands the high level of sarcasm in those remarks. I certainly didn't intend to offend anyone.

NFF